I recently met a lady at the local ‘dropin’ food shop. For someone who has the image of eating all the ‘right’ things she was sneaking in a small bag of Maltesers before heading home. Feeling guilty on two fronts.
The first was due to the fact the previous evening and that day (a school day) she was with friends and secondly she was eating something that wasnt ‘good’ for her.
During our short conversation she revealed that actually her guilt continued over the weekend. That evening she happened to be with more friends at a significant birthday party and then the following day was meeting up with friends in London for 24 hours. It was obviously coincidental that it happened all at the same time.
Her final passing comment was that she didn’t feel that guilty as she had been away on her own (without the support of her husband) for a whole week managing the children on holiday.
With children of my own, running my own business, domestic and community commitments I am all too well how guilt shifts from one environment to another. I have noticed that as guilt sucks energy out of me it reduces my strength and in so doing my opportunities and progress.
Here are a few strategies I and some of my clients have put in place so they don’t loose strength from feeling guilty:
Be present
There seems to be a lot of talk about presence. What I mean about presence is that you are totally focused in the moment. Not what has just gone or not what is about to happen. But just here and now. It’s true that we have many things buzzing around our heads but focusing in a calm and open manner where you are brings its rewards. Whether with the CEO, your biggest client or your children all contexts deserve that presence. Reflect on what will keep you present in the moment and try it when you stop reading this.
Know what makes you stronger
As a coach who uses psychometric tools, I am aware of the different things that different personality types might prefer. If you know your Myers Briggs preferences for example, you will be aware whether you are an introvert or extravert. Those who are introverts gain energy in quiet areas on their own (or small groups) where as extroverts gain their energy by being with people.
Some like to take exercise, read or cook while others like to get outside. For longer stretches of time getting away and doing your strengthening activities over a weekend for example will mean you will be stronger and serve those you lead better when you return. Write a list of those things that make you feel stronger and see how you can integrate these into the week ahead. You owe it you yourself and those around you.
Allocation of time
It seems that allocation of time can bring on the biggest guilt. How much time have you actually spent with your loved ones compared to your work is usually the biggest one. Placing boundaries around your time will mean you can be clear when things are happening. Have a look at next weeks diary and check in to see where you have allocated strength building time whether physically, mentally, emotionally and or spiritually. Place something in the diary for just 5 minutes including 5 minutes breathing, 5 minute walk around the corner and 5 minute cuddle (Rangan Chattergee can help you youtubevideo or website or book)
Positive thoughts
‘Thoughts are not real’ I hear the NLP (neuro- linguistic programming) community say. Guilt can be placed into this category. Thoughts and ideas we have created. We place pressure on ourselves by what we are thinking. In so doing it raises our blood pressure and more besides sucking the very energy we need to be fully our best in every moment. Being positive about all your actions is key. Positive thoughts not guilt allows us to feel we are making progress. Being mentally strong allows you to be n the best place to do that. Reflect on the activities and actions you do to make you stronger (now is a good a time as any). Do you have any activities? If so, how often do you do them? What do you gain from them? What value do they give to those you spend time with?
Connection and communicate
Share with significant people what makes you stronger and how that will improve what you are doing for them, serving them and being with them. It might mean for example an hours block in the diary twice a week and you have thinking time whilst out for a walk. At home it could be an early morning swim, a walk on your own on Sunday afternoon or yoga in your bedroom for 30 minutes. It could be closing the door on the dog and children for 15 minutes while you collect your thoughts. If they know what it is doing for you and for them they will support you.
Breath
Breathing is a fundamental of life but also helps to allow us to perform at our best. Guilt can impact its rhythm through our physiological stress responses.
Wherever you are. Take the opportunity to pause. Close your eyes. Breath in and out through your nose. Breath in for 4 and out for 8 for a minute.
Guilt sucks out energy from us and doesn’t allow us to be fully present whether socially or at work. By managing your guilt you can be stronger whatever your context.
To learn more on my tips and stories have peak at my website www.lizzierhodesjames.co.uk
